More raw than usual - actually asking for help

I was in the shower trying to shift my thoughts but it wasn't working. And I realized that it's because the thought I had (about myself) is something that I find deeply embarrassing and I spend a lot of time worrying that people will figure it out. I don't know what I think will happen - you'll think less of me, my cover will be blown, you'll start to doubt my abilities... I don't know.But then I thought: The truth is that my friends are my friends and they're awesome. That's been the lesson of the last 3 years, one that I apparently have a hard time learning. And this is not so bad or unusual. And anyway, the act of staying quiet about it both doesn't help me get out of it and also contributes to my sense of isolation whenever I want to talk it out with someone but don't know who I can call.So my shower thought was to do exactly the opposite of my current behavior and say it out loud in a very public way. Even more: ask for help with it. (I'm not so good in the help-asking department.)So here goes: I'm a complete frikkin financial disaster. Last year was - three of the last five years were - among the lowest-earning years I've had since I started working full-time 20 years ago. And I began the year in debt already. Maybe that's not such a big deal in our debt-addled society, but I don't like it. It doesn't feel good. It makes me feel desperate. Thinking about it locks up all my creativity, which then makes me more depressed. I identify with being independent (admittedly sometimes to a fault) and being strapped all the time makes me feel needy. I feel like my struggle over finance gets in the way of my being able to be who I actually am.Worse, I have all the skills necessary to make this end, and yet here I am again and again. So I am making this public because I need help keeping focus on getting out of it. I am planning on making changes in the future to be on solid financial ground and I know that my efforts will be better & stronger if I allow my friends to be there with me.Oh, I'm done with pretending. I'm a little freaked out about posting this, but even writing it out feels better, so here goes.